Lob-stah!

I LOVE lobster! I am really craving a lobster dinner...it's going to have to happen this long weekend...I can't go much longer without one. Steaming or boiling lobster up at home and melting a huge gob of butter and having that butter slip down my arm after I dunk a chunk of lobster in the butter and raise the lobster up to my lips....mmmmmmmmm, it's much better at home because you can wear a towel if you need to and really get down and dirty into the eating of the lobster. At home, you can strip down and shower afterward if need be. Restaurants inhibit you. And after the lobster, I think I want a big dish of strawberries and whipped cream, maybe with a shortcake somewhere in there. This is terrible~ like a pregnant craving ~ but not! Decadent long weekend, here I come!

Shades of Jerry Springer

Well, maybe not quite as trashy as Jerry Springer, but certainly more than I could ever imagine being involved in!! Man in Rm 7 tried to do himself in...didn't want to live any more. Here's how it started---the man, his wife, her mother, AND her step-mother all drinking together....and oh, by the way, they all live together at one address, in a duplex with an apartment over the garage. It's hot, humid and they're all drinking and swimming in the pool and having a good time together. The mother decides that she's really turned on by her son-in-law and starts to get cozy with him, rubbing herself on him. Her daughter starts yelling and telling her to knock it off and screeches at her husband for being open to her mother's advances. He claims innocence. The mother says she's just kidding, ease up girl, take a chill pill. The daughter stomps off into the house fuming, not wanting any part of the drinking pool party any more. BIG mistake. The daughter stays in the house for about an hour sobering up, cooling off, for whatever reason. Anyway, she decides maybe she'll go back and join the party and have a couple more drinks with them. She walks out the door only to see her own mother giving her husband a BJ...All hell breaks loose! The names are being called. The wife swears she never wants to have anything to do with hubby again...and as for her mother, well, she KNEW she never wanted to live around that bitch anyway! Get her out of here, never want to see either of you again!! She storms off. (I am assuming the stepmother was watching the BJ, ya think??) The husband, feeling great remorse, does not want to live without his beloved wifey. He declares life is not worth living without her so he's going to kill himself. He runs into the kitchen and takes a whole bottle of pills. The step-mother calls an ambulance and contacts her stepdaughter and tells her that her husband has OD'd, and they follow the ambulance to the hospital....turns out the man OD'd on MetaboLife diet pills....I don't know, what do you think?? Do you think, he thought if he could get real skinny, real fast, he would die!?!? What's wrong with this guy? Does he really believe all the hype about MetaboLife? Puh-leez! They never work as good as they claim!

Six Year Old Saab

Who would have thought I would get so much pleasure out of a 6 year old Saab? I'm so glad I decided to get it though. I could have gone for a new vehicle, but for the same price as this Saab, I wouldn't have been able to get very many bells and whistles. I LOVE this car and it doesn't matter to me if anyone else likes it or not. It brings me great pleasure and that's what is important, right? I have heated leather seats both front and back seats, a/c that blows out of so many different ducts, front and back, the back seat folds down so I can put Daisy in the way back without wrecking the leather seats; she just hops up into the hatchback and is happily looking at the world going by. The power seats adjust and there are four settings to save your personal settings so if anyone else gets in and adjusts the seat, you can adjust it back to your own setting by pressing one button....magic! It also has a CD changer that sits in the back out of the way, power windows, power mirrors, power roof, tachometer, automatic temperature control, computerized gas gauge, trip odometer, remote keyless entry, turbo power, front and side air bags, rear side air bags, etc. I just have the best time and I haven't let J drive it yet....I may NEVER let him drive it. It's my baby and I don't have to entrust it to anyone else if I don't want to!!!! So I get into my Saab and turn on my tunes and cruise on down the road smiling like a fool---it's not a bad way to start or finish a day. Simple pleasures for simple people...I guess that's me!

Sick Day

I felt miserable, dizzy, congested, raw throat and exhausted, so I took a sick day. I crashed back in my bed, my haven, and promptly went back to sleep, waking each time one nostril clogged up and I found myself breathing through my mouth. I hate mouth-breathing. Could feel myself going down into a restful sleep and the dratted phone rings. It's James Earl Jones. No really...James Earl Jones. He has the most distinctive voice. He wanted to know if I'd received my DSL set-up kit yet and if so, what was I waiting for? Why not install it now? Since it was a recording, I hung up about half way through it and threw the phone on the floor. After blowing my nose with a thousand more tissues, I settled into my nest of pillows and blankets again and managed to get a couple hours sleep. My beautiful wonderful dog laid down on the floor next to the bed and contented herself with waiting for me to get up and pay attention to her. She's so easy....as long as she's near me, all's right with her world. The next time I woke up, I toddled downstairs to get some coffee and take the dog out....after all, her bladder is only so big and I figured the fresh air might blow some of those cob webs out of my head. No sooner did I get back into my bed and settle in again, but the damn phone rings again. This time it's J. He wants to know if I'm okay and what I'm doing....what do you THINK I'm doing?? I'm TRYING TO HEAL. He got the hint after a couple of minutes of me grunting at him; it was the closest thing to talking I could accomplish. I hadn't used my voice except to say hello each time the phone rang. After a couple more sleep opportunities, I got up to refill my drink....drinking and peeing the two most strenuous things I wanted to do today. That phone rang again...it's was James Earl again, repeating his message to me.....I talked back to him (it wasn't pleasant); it didn't help. He wasn't listening. This time I listened all the way to the end, hoping that this will be the last call James Earl feels he needs to make to assure I am up and running on DSL. I'll tell you something--that DSL had better be worth it. Now it's early evening and I'm starting to feel like I should have a little food to give my stomach something to work with. How about some nachos? They will have the added benefit of making my nose run and my eyes water....making this cold get over with more quickly?? One can only hope.

Noxious Fumes

Okay, I'm always telling J he needs to be careful with all those emissions. I worry about my dog being in the same room with him for a long time when he's releasing his noxious fumes. I'm going to email him this story so he sees just how dangerous those noxious fumes are. Here is a nominee for the Darwin award. Darwin awards are given out for the persons who die in the most stupid manner. A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas emissions. There was no mark on his body, and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his nearly airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one was hospitalized. Now, wouldn't that make YOU be more careful about spending time closed up with a person with that capacity to emit gas?? I just may have to put him out in the yard.

TA-DA!! 

First Recital

Awwwwww, first dance recital for K. What a little hambone! She doesn't know the meaning of stage fright. Bowing and blowing kisses to the crowd, she stole the show for her two numbers, one tap, one ballet. At their age the 3 and 4 year olds aren't really expected to follow the whole routine perfectly. Good thing since she decided to add her own little steps and twirls every now and then just to feel her tu-tu swirling around her and to elicit more clapping so she could bow and kiss. What a funny kid!

Gray Hair and Lasers

Sure, sure they advertise laser hair removal all over the place, promising wondrous results...I called and asked Dr M's office what a 5 minute treatment would do for me. I have a few chin/lip "whiskers" (thanks to the French ancestry) I'd like to get rid of permanently. I used to have electrolysis, which wasn't too painful and actually worked pretty well as long as you keep up with it. I stopped after a while because the money was tight. I now have about 5 dark hairs that I pluck on a regular basis, and then there's a couple of occasional pop-ups that I banish as well. So the staff faxes me some info on it. I'm ready to spend the $75 for a 5 minute treatment thinking, "this is it! I won't have to hunt those suckers down anymore. " hmmmm, well it turns out that laser hair removal doesn't work on fine hairs and doesn't work on gray hairs. That's most of what I might want to use this on. The preparation involves shaving that's right, shaving....WHO WANTS TO START SHAVING? You can't pluck or wax and you can't depilitate before laser treatment. You have to shave the area the day before. One treatment doesn't get rid of it all. You have to go back for a series of treatments....this could get VERY expensive, for 5 little darkish gray/white hairs that annoy me on a regular basis. I think I'll stick to plucking or debilitating and hope for an eventual dying off of those follicles and then I can retire my tweezers and Nair.

What's all this about moving cheese?

Okay the boss gives us this lovely little book about moving cheese and expects us to welcome the wonderful new changes of adding more work into our daily schedules. Now, not only do we schedule appointments, but now we pre-register the folks, make sure to get pre-auths, and in our spare time, we get to call the folks and bug them at home to pre-reg before their appointments. I think we're multi-tasking enough but this place is always changing our duties. I wouldn't mind taking on the new stuff if some of the old responsibilities were taken away. OR, here's an idea....pay us MORE MONEY to take on these new tasks. Yes, we may act like Superwomen, but damn it...we all have our limits! We can't do everything perfectly when our heads are spinning with details. NO WONDER we like to relax with a few drinks. Poor C even lets people cut her hair when she's relaxing....and I have a pet moth named Vincent who visits when I'm relaxing... Don't you think our "customers" will be crankier the longer they have to wait on the phones? I know I would be. So I say get rid of the old PI charts and give us more money to do more work and expect more errors and less accuracy. Then maybe we will be a little happier with that ever elusive "cheese" we're chasing. Did I emphasis the MONEY aspect enough???